I'm pretty sure I didn't sleep a wink. That 4am alarm crept up on me like the boogie man! My husband and I rolled quietly out of bed and freshened up (as fresh as one can get themselves at 4am on no sleep). As I was putting on my clothes, I kept thinking, "I'm gonna be in these for a couple days, probably." Every other hospital trip I've been on involves me in the same clothes for days. This is just such a Dejá Vu experience for my husband and I. All kinds of thoughts ran through my mind and before I knew it I had finished my cup of hotel coffee and we were ready to head out the door. I grabbed Fin from her deep sleep and carried her straight to the elevator. We walked through the brisk dark morning streets, ofcourse we arrived about 15 minutes early to the hospital. We are eager beavers I guess. We waited for the Hospital to open on a bench by the door. Fin was in great spirits and didn't ask for food or drink at all. Thank Goodness.
Once we got up to the surgery floor, I just sat and snuggled my girl until we were called back. The fact that she had no idea what was going on was bitter sweet.
We were escorted back into the prep room and she was still doing well. We met with quite a few different Doctors of the surgery team and felt very comforted by all the details they offered. They walked us through everything. We got her dressed and she was ready to go! Just needed to give her the "relax medicine" to wheel her back into the OR. They like to have the kids very relaxed before they administer anything painful. It's really very considerate.
Naturally, Finley spit out half of that medication. I was a little freaked! She needed to relax! She usually goes into full-blown-panic-mode when she is in any type of medical facility. Even just watching mommy at the chiropractor sends her into hysterics! I voiced this to the staff and they said I could accompany her all the way to the OR. They literally explained everything I would see, how Finley would act once they put the gas mask on, and possible reactions she may have. All which were normal for anesthesia. (Obviously not normal to a mommy.)
Once I was suited and booted, we rolled out. I was as "strong" as I could be. My husband was taking all kinds of pics and we were laughing, probably mostly nervous laughter.
As I held Finley's hand and we maneuvered her big bed through the halls, I kept telling myself, "I will not cry. I will not cry. I'm Meredith Grey. I'll pretend I'm Meredith Grey." I didn't want my baby to see her mommy scared, trust that I'm totally ok with crying otherwise.
As soon as that mask went on and her face started doing all the weird things, I just teared up. She didn't see me, she was already out. It was emotional. Like- all the emotions. That's all there is to it. Ofcourse, I apologized for crying (why do I do this to myself?) and made some awkward Grey's Anatomy joke with the nurses. They kindly chuckled. (I know it wasn't funny but I appreciate the sympathy.) They pulled off the mask and let me kiss her face then I was escorted back to the waiting room.
I laughed to myself at how awkward I am and then tears just started streaming down my face. I hate leaving her, yet I know this is so great for her. It's hard.
But the humor of my random joke really helped me keep my ish together.
The 4 hours she was in there flew by, honestly. We just paced, prayed, and praised God on a sort of repeat-cycle. Everyone's texts and comments via social media were amazingly distracting and helped pass the time. Before we knew it we were greeted by the surgeon. He sort of popped in as if from no where! (Too quick for me to take a picture to document that moment.) However, I'll never forget it. He was wearing a smile on his face and said, "she did great, no complications."
Recovery.. Ugh. Is anyone awesome at coming out of surgery? She was predictably dazed and a little weepy. She had a couple coughing fits that made my heart race thinking, "She's gonna puke! Oh no! Then she's gonna choke on her puke!" I remained calm, and we made it through. She continued to progress so we were moved up to the room she is to reside in until we are discharged.
We covered her sweet face in smooches! She needs to lay and rest on her back for the next three days. The nurses lifted her legs and showed us how the spasticity was gone. We couldn't believe it. It doesn't seem real, her legs are like jello. Just as we were starting to relax from the high we were on... The doorbell rang. (Literally our Ring App alerted us to someone at our front door.)
My husband spoke with the man in uniform about our dogs. They had gotten out and were being held by animal control. Okay, I miiiiiiight be a day or two late on their licensing paperwork, that's a long story- I truly did send it in though! It just showed up as "pending" in their system. So dumb. Either way, I went into an entirely new type of panic-mode arranging their transportation details and where they will now be staying, because obviously they can escape where they were. Anywho- just another super fun detail from today I thought I'd share. My nerves are pretty much shot.
I'm exhausted and feel like I'm dreaming- like...
Am I awake?
Am I asleep?
Am I a zombie?
What day is it?
What time is it??
Finley was finally able to fall asleep about an hour ago. She was itchy from the meds, so they gave some meds for the itching. So, now I lay on two chairs pushed together and I'm wondering what's going on with our sweet friend, Charlotte. She had the procedure after Fin and we are supposed to be sharing a room. I ran into her Dad in the cafeteria and he said they were in the PICU. Praying for them, and praying for a peaceful night for all. We sent Daddy back to the hotel to rest so he can take over in the morning and Mommy can go rest.
Prayers that I can rest my mind, even just for an hour or two tonight.