Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Verdict: Mom-Guilty

Oftentimes when my family wakes up in the morning  - I'll rub down my daughters' legs and we have our little morning chat, 
"Did you sleep good baby?" 
"Let's stretch those legs!" 
"No, I want breakfast and iPad mommy!"
"Okay after we stretch."
My typical toddler.  As I stretch her legs and arms I start thinking about yesterday and how I could have stretched her better throughout the day, then I think about all the things I could have done better yesterday. Oh yesterday...   I pause my happy deep-thought and ask her to do some simple commands. She never really is able to do the things I ask, but I remain hopeful that one day she will, so I ask anyway. Then it happened, a few days ago she wiggled her toes on command for the first time!!  I shrieked, "Wiggle again! Wiggle again!!"  It was as miraculous as all get out! I teared up, ran downstairs and beamed with joy as I told my husband what amazing thing she had just done. I even texted a few of my close gal-pals about what a great day it already was! 

A fellow Mom-Blog recently reached out to me and asked me to write a piece on 'motherhood and everyday life'.  I thought, ok I'll just write about all of our daily routines and therapies, gee what an exciting article that will be.  The more I thought about what to write, it just seemed to be too full of facts and less present with emotions. The truth of it is, when I think about how I feel everyday, there are two constants: guilt & hope. I feel a sense of guilt for yesterday yet I hope and pray for little miracles today. Call me dramatic.  I think most moms can identify with me on this topic though, right? That we start out each day feeling somewhat already defeated from the day before, because we go to bed feeling like somehow we failed - like we are just surviving until daddy gets home.  So we wake up hopeful like, "Today is going to be better! 'Cause yesterday was a big fat fail!"  

We are in an era full of way too much information! I can think of several mom friends who were never paranoid people to begin with, that have entered into the world of "reading into everything & over-analyzing".  It's sort of all of us right?  Perhaps this has happened to you. You enter into a mom group all excited to maybe learn a little- but mostly you just know that your baby is pretty much perfect... and then you find yourself questioning all these potential issues your baby might have that you never thought you'd be questioning;  "Should I not have vaccinated?" "Does my baby need a helmet?" "Is she tongue tied?" "Does this behavior constitute as 'colic'?" "Should I cut out dairy and gluten?" "Why isn't he sleeping better?" "Is he sleeping too long?" "Are there GMO's in this?" "Why can't other people understand what she's saying, does she need speech therapy?" "Why did/didn't I get the flu shot?!" 
The list goes on and on... Forever. 

 I know that no one loves the parent who is always boasting about their perfect child(ren)- but man, don't you wish sometimes you had what they are having? Even if just for a second. To be able to leave some of the "worry" behind.  Social Media has a funny way of making us feel like we are lesser in some way. It's easier to look at pictures and imagine that their life is perfect. It's a culture where most are projecting an "image" of what they want others to believe. Truth is behind those pictures they are every day humans living every day lives, facing all the same types of emotions and problems as you. We all are on this worry-train together and this isnt just when being on mommy-mode... Don't even get me started on wife-mode, work-mode, friend-mode, etc.. Sigh. Mom-guilt is the worst. Some days every other mode seems to follow suit right? Ugh. That's what wine and reality TV are for, lol I'm kidding. Not really. 

A few posts back I posted "That Special Word" which touched base on not rushing through the milestones. Now I'm saying, try not to worry through them either. I know that seems impossible. If you've surrounded yourself around other healthy-minded moms then I'm sure you've heard, "you have to do what you feel is right for your family" a time or two. Sometimes we can be so full of worry that we miss the small miracles happening everyday.  This can be anywhere from a simple successful trip to the store, to a great nap, to your little one hitting that next milestone.  Do me a favor, please limit your online reading in those groups.  You know, the ones that are obsessed with identifying, labeling, and fixing every little so-called problem? Also, start trying not to beat yourself up - you simply cannot do it all, and that's okay. There should be no comparison between any two families. Try to kick that guilt to the curb!  Like a diet, limit carbs and guilt. Haha!  I can assure you- if you question your mom-self daily, then you are obviously doing the best you can because you are concerned on how you could be doing it better.  Which is the mark of an amazing mother. Keep up the good work mama, you're doing a great job. Those tough days are going to come, and I suppose that's when Netflix and Chill can apply to us moms.

( Seriously though, what does that even mean? )


  1. Oh my gosh, all the doubt-filled questions are SO spot-on! I definitely have asked myself the same. (Hi, I found your blog through instagram, btw, searching adoption hash tags, because it's something I'm curious about.) Btw, you asked what does netflix and chill even mean, and I thought I'd let you know that it's code for hooking up / having sex. lol!

    Anyway, you're so right about giving up the mom guilt. We do not need to do this to ourselves, especially when it's clear our little ones are very loved and well cared for. That's what matters most, not all the nitty gritty details.

    Happy to have found your blog! I'm sure I'll pop by again. :)

  2. This definitely should be titled "Dear Vanessa" hahaha - I loved it <3

  3. I absolutely love reading this article, thank you :)